


Take me home

by TalesoftheEnchantedForest



Category: Supernatural
Genre: DON'T READ IT IF IT TRIGGERS YOU, I'm Sorry, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Pact, charcoal-burning suicide, or read it if this is what helps you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 15:10:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18524056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesoftheEnchantedForest/pseuds/TalesoftheEnchantedForest
Summary: They had promised they would do it together.





	Take me home

**Author's Note:**

> I have started watching Supernatural a few months ago and now I'm addicted to this show. I really love Destiel and also #depressedCas because I'm a depressed mess myself. Lately, I've been feeling really bad so I just wanted to write something short, mostly to myself, as a way of coping.   
> If you're considering attempting suicide, please ask for help. The world would be a much shittier place without you. ❤
> 
> Also, I'm not that good at writing, so comments and feedback are appreciated.

They had promised they would do it together. 

Their relationship wasn’t perfect, and they couldn’t mend each other no matter how hard they tried, but they both knew – without the words ever spoken – that they would die for each other if life came to that. 

And now they were both in the car, Dean sitting in the driver’s seat, Cas beside him on the passenger’s seat, holding each other’s hands. 

Ready to die together. 

To be honest, and on the verge of death, why wouldn’t he be, Dean never wanted this to happen. Of course, he had fantasized about taking his life away – more times than he can count – and even tried it at a few occasions but Cas was never part of the plan. Hell, Cas had been the one who pulled him back, oh so many times! But at some point, after Dean had stopped suppressing his feelings for his best friend and confessed in a not-so-romantic way, as their relationship started to bloom Dean realised how little he knew about Cas. It came as a shock just how many things Cas had hidden from him – all his demons and self-doubt – and Dean had yet again found himself being helpless. 

Because he couldn’t save someone else if he wasn’t even able to save himself. 

Dean knew Cas deserved so much better. A better boyfriend, a better family, a better life. He told Cas again and again – if he wanted to live, Dean wouldn’t stop him. But Cas never left. He didn’t even seem to consider it. Not even after the fights and late-night bar visits started. Cas was the most patient and purest thing Dean had ever encountered, and Dean wasn’t worthy of his love. 

Castiel loved him nonetheless. 

And although Dean had hated the way his life turned out, he never regretted meeting Castiel. His angel and saviour. And Dean wasn’t mad, even if Cas thought he was. No, Dean never blamed Castiel for the way he felt. Castiel tried to save him (and actually did) and Dean was grateful for that but there was no fixing him. 

If you asked him, Dean’s biggest regret was being oblivious. Not noticing the way Castiel’s self-esteem started to shrink. The way he started eating less and less. How he wore long-sleeves even when the weather was warm outside. He kissed those bruises a hundred times and Castiel put the shattered pieces of Dean’s soul back together over and over again with every hug and whispered words of love. Cas had promised to never leave his side and Dean wasn’t even surprised when he told his idea to leave everything behind together. Dean spent hours of trying to convince Cas that he had his whole life ahead of him, but Cas was stubborn and his mind was already ruled by depression. 

They were broken but the love between them could never weaken. As they were sitting in the car – not the Impala, because Dean was sure Sam would never drive her again if they were to do this in his Baby – Dean couldn’t look away from his boyfriend. His skin was pale, his eyes wet and lips chapped, but he still looked beautiful. Amazingly, it seemed as if Castiel didn’t need Haven to bless him with grace, his light came from inside. 

Cas looked at him and smiled, affectionately, no regret or sadness in his eyes. Dean stroked his hands, running his thumb over Castiel’s soft fingers. Then he leaned in and kissed his lover as gas started to fill the closed space and he started to drift to unconsciousness. The last thing he felt was warm lips against his temple before the darkness – like a dreamless sleep - fell on him. 

Castiel brought him back from Hell. He was to take Dean to Heaven, too.


End file.
